In-Flight Air Travel Tips

A recent study showed that a long haul flight will undoubtedly be the most unpleasant, distressing, uncomfortable and most horrific 12 hours of your entire life (unless you’ve tried to drive right across London.) Alright, the study bit was made up…but long haul flights are still a pain in the butt.

Anyhow, here are a few tips to ease that pain quicker than you can say ‘Cheap Plane Thrombosis’.

Watch your Step

Airline toilets are gross at the best of times, but after a few hours of turbulence on a long haul they’re not a place you want to be in thin socks or bare feet. Always pop on a pair of shoes (ideally someone else’s) before a visit to the toilet, you’re feet will thank you for it.

Earplugs & Eye Masks

Some airlines supply the mouldable, foam earplugs in their passenger goody bags, but take your own just in case they don’t. Together with an eye mask, they’ll shut out the rest of the world for the duration of the flight – leave them at home if you like screaming babies, compulsive talkers and loud snorers.

Extra Eye mask tip: If you still can’t sleep, cut 2 holes in it to look like a tired and irritable super-hero.

Keep Fed, Keep Watered, Stay Happy

Listen to your body and eat and drink as required. Take along a few of your own favourite snacks to munch on in between airline offerings. If you’re planning to diet or quit smoking, start after your holiday, or at least after your flight. A recent airline smoking study showed that those who use nicotine gum or patches are far less likely to bludgeon to death ‘inconsiderate passengers’ with tightly rolled in-flight magazines.

Sick Bag

Check your seat pocket and ensure you have a barf bag to hand. Although you may not suffer from air sickness, you may still be in someone else’s firing arcs. Giving Mr or Mrs Pukey a barf bag in those first few vital seconds will ensure a pleasant flight for you both.

Wear Layers

Regardless of the airport and in-flight temperature and the climate at your current or final destination, dressing in layers allows you to put on or peel off clothes with the minimum of fuss to remain comfortable throughout your journey. In addition, more clothes on you mean more space in your luggage for duty free booze and fags.

Drink Water

Remain hydrated in a dry cabin by adopting at least a 1:2 booze/water ratio, and try to drink at least 8 oz of water every hour. It’s not compulsory to maintain the ratio by drinking the 4 ounces of booze each hour, though. Also, avoid overindulgence in diuretics such as tea, coffee and carbonated drinks.

Use Bottled Water

Airline regulations prohibit the carrying on board of bottle water (most of the time…), but it’s acceptable to board with an empty bottle with lid for the cabin crew to fill for you on the plane. It’s easier to drink from and store between sips than the undersized plastic glasses supplied by cabin crew, and by causing less trips up and down for the trolley dollies, you’ll be more inclined to stay hydrated.

Hold out on the Sleep

If unable to sleep through a whole flight, then put the snooze off until the latter part. Eat a snack, have a drink, watch a film, or read a book or whatever, then when sleep comes it’ll be both heavier and longer (and through the part of the flight where the novelty has worn off.)

Use the Cushions

A few well placed cushions will make for a more comfortable flight. Lower back pain can be avoided or at least reduced when placed between the lower back and the seat, and a couple supporting your head and neck will promote better sleep. If you need extras, either ask the cabin crew or pick up a couple of spares on your trip back from the toilet.

Don’t Rush to Leave

When the Fasten Seatbelt sign goes out at the end of the flight, stay put. Remain seated and stay relaxed by leaving all the others to flap, rummage for bags and stand half bent over seats and squashed in the aisles. Even the last one off the plane will probably still beat the bags to the carousel.

Pre-Flight Airline Travel Tips

Before even setting foot on an aeroplane, there are plenty of things we can do to ensure a more pleasant flight. Here are some pre-flight airline travel tips to help you on your way.

Pick your Plane
Before booking your flight, if several airlines offer the journey at similar prices and on suitable days then compare the planes and services on offer with each flight. Airline consumer standards and in-flight services vary significantly from carrier to carrier. www.airlinequality.com is a good place to start.

Find the Best Seats
Once you’ve chosen your airline, check out where the best seats on your plane are. User friendly Seat Guru is an excellent resource for this. Find your model of plane and read the reviews. All seating layouts are colour coded in the helpful overview.

Window Seats
Unless you have a bladder the size of a peanut, window seats are the way to go. A window seat means less disruption (for you, at least) and a headrest that does not get upset when you dribble on it.

Exit Row Seats
There’s only one thing better than a window seat: an exit row window seat. You’ll get legroom-a-plenty and never have the seat in front nestled on the bridge of your nose.

Cross Pack your Belongings
If travelling in company, split your belongings between both sets of luggage. That way, if one bag gets lost you’ll still have half your stuff.

Mark Your Luggage
Mark your luggage with something unique to identify it clearly. Mark it as distinctively as possible and you’ll be able to spot it more easily at baggage claim and (more importantly) no one else will mistake it for theirs and walk off with your favourite holiday shirt!

Park Smart
If you drive to the airport, note the lot/area where you park the car. Write it down somewhere, take a photo of the sign, or leave a verbal or text message on your phone. Remember: Memory fades with both time and Pina Coladas.

Check in Online
If you have the opportunity to check in online, take it. Not only will you avoid the long queues at the airport but also be in with a better chance of bagging your preferred seat. The early bird gets the legroom.

Check in Early
If you can’t check in online, check in early for a better chance of bagging your desired seat. Remember to speak to the check in staff nicely about your seating preference, otherwise you’re in the lottery with the rest of the shitmunchers. Be sure not to simply ask for extra legroom though, since you may end up stuck by the toilet and the constant barrage of passing/waiting toilet-bound passengers.

Be the Last to Board
If the flight isn’t full, linger toward the back of the boarding queue. Boarding last will allow you to see where all the empty spaces are. If you don’t like the look of your seat (or the people around it) then jump in one of the empty ones. When seated, rarely will the cabin crew ask to see your boarding pass if there is no dispute over a seat. If they do, and they insist you move, you just go back to your original seat having lost nothing.