Coming back from a long trip is tough and staying back is even tougher, but there are some things we can do to lessen the culture shock and bring those memories flooding back. Here are 5 of them.
1. Picture the scene. Its night time, you’re in bed, and you’re dead beat. But, before you begin to drift into a pleasant slumber, be sure to start up a couple of misfiring chainsaws. Place one approximately 4 feet above you, and the other at the foot of your bed for true dormitory surround sound. For added authenticity, set your mobile phone alarm to go off at random times throughout the night.
To further enhance this experience, go on a 5 day hike in the countryside without a change of socks. Upon return from your hiking adventure place said biohazards in a sealed, plastic bag. Then, just before bedtime, duct tape one of them to your upper lip, close your eyes, and once again savour that exquisite dorm aroma.
Still yearning for greater authenticity? Then invite friends around to your bedroom to have a crinkly plastic bag fight at 5am.
2. Drink. Too much. Regularly.
3. Randomly select a handful of regular pills from your medicine cabinet and then sit down with at least 5 complete strangers. Chow down the pharmaceuticals and then each set fire to a $50 bill. Talk sh*t for 30 minutes whilst eagerly waiting for the trip of a lifetime. Wake up 10 hours later - after an incredibly deep sleep - with no sign of a headache. Spend the whole of the following day feeling embittered and resentful, musing over how much better that money could have been spent.
4. Do you miss the atmosphere of the big Asian cities? Then buy a dehumidifier for your lounge. Now, here’s the kicker - fill it full of diesel and select ‘Reverse’ and ‘Full Power’. Hey presto, downtown Saigon at a fraction of the cost of another long haul flight.
5. When buying fast food in your home country, use a homemade $500 bill. Hand it to the vendor as you would have done a $20 bill abroad. Give a nervous, apologetic smile and wait for the “What the hell is that and do you really expect me to be able to change it?” look.
I would write more of these pointless witterings, but I’ve gotta go pick up some diesel.